Why Can’t Vampire Blood Cure Cancer in Vampire Diaries?

Vampire Diaries Promo Photo for Vampire TV show

In Blade, a pregnant woman is bitten, and not only survives, but gives birth to a half vampire son.

In Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight, a human gets with a half-vampire baby, nearly dies during childbirth when the little monster tries to rip its from her uterus into the cold, nasty world. Also, turning Edward into a vampire saves him from some sort of plague or yellow fever.

In…Van Helsing, Sam, who is deaf, regains his hearing after he his turned into a vampire during a tragic act of betrayal. (Very spicy. I recommend watching!) In fact, all of his senses become highly sharpened and lethal.

So, Vampire Diaries, what do you mean vampire blood can’t cure cancer?!

Vampire Diaries, what do you mean vampire blood can't cure cancer?! Click to Tweet

Cancer. Ya’ll. A medical problem that we’ve heard so much about about that it is considered by many people to be common. When you hear someone has cancer, you immediately know that this a potentially serious, life-threatening condition. Cancer is that disease that can creep up on you to punish you for all of your bad behavior, or for simply minding your own business and having the audacity not to die at a young age. In fact, even youth doesn’t protect some people from cancer. There are elderly people with it, middle aged people, and young people, and even younger than “young”, children can get it too.

So when the idea that simply biting her mother and turning her into a vampire came up, a little flame of hope leapt forward in my cold, black little heart, and I knew deep down in my bowels that moms was going to live.

After watching many vampire movies and TV series where vampire blood is depicted as the ultimate cure and failsafe for any possible accident or illness, it has to be written in some nonexistent writer handbook that vampirism is God’s plan for fixing the unfixable. I’m pretty sure that was written in the Bible somewhere. In the spicy part that the good, sanctified Christians avoid because they don’t want us out here believing in the supernatural, yet, we are to believe Jesus turned water into wine.

But… MOVING ON, and not to the other world, as Vampire Diaries is cruel and unusual to people with terminal illnesses.

Not only is an experiment tried upon an unsuspecting cancer patient, but the writers of the show go on to try to explain why vampire blood just doesn’t work in every case. So, that unfortunate cancer patient ends up becoming an immortal with a killer migraine from his expedited cancer growth. Un-fucking-believable. Trying to science their way out of killing off a character.

Jack Skellington scratches his head in confusion

Naturally, this is not my only criticism of the teen, fantasy drama, but it is the one that makes the least amount of sense out of everything that tried to shatter my suspension of disbelief. It is also not the only thing that nearly made my eyes roll out of my sockets (Ya’ll do remember how often so-called friends started dating and fucking other “friends'” exes? Ya’ll remember that? State Farm remembers. The elephants remember. So do I! I just really don’t think that’s “friendly” behavior.)

What weird happenings in Vampire Diaries made you scratch your head and go, “Are you deadass?”

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