We only had to wait our entire lives to finally see Beauty and the Beast on the big screen with actual people….well, at least some of them were real! As many folks know, all of the nonhuman characters were created with CGI animation, which… was hit or miss for me.
It’s hard to criticize this movie, especially given that I downloaded the soundtrack as soon as I left the theater, but I will put aside my obsession for romantic musicals and try my hardest to be the best, meanest, most obnoxious cynic I’ve always dreamed of being. skips away cackling
Adding more as they come to me. I’m still going to watch this 75 times!!
1 Where are the other men at the prince's ball?
Not necessarily a blooper but still weird as fuck. Why are there no other men/non-femmes at the Prince's ball??You mean to tell me that this rich nigga in here dancing with ALL these women by his goddamn self?? Mama ain't raise no clown and I've been to plenty enough parties to know that that ain't going to work out.
2 What's Up With the Timing?
So maybe, this ain't really a "blooper" per se, but my god, when it finally came to those few moments where tears were supposed to shoot out of my eyes, they dried right the fuck back up! I was looking for some Phantom of the Opera/ Les Miserables timing!! Some, I-Don't-Know-If-I'm-Going-To-Make-It-Until-The-End-Timing!! Some why is this boat taking 3.5 hours to sink and now Jack is dead and I'm fucking traumatized timing!! The whole experience of watching this movie just happened far too quickly for my liking. A nigga needs time to sink into the story and feel involved and become one with the characters and shit. I did not get that on the first viewing.
Now, I will admit that I felt a lot more connected to it after the second viewing, but, at that point, I'd also listened to the entire soundtrack at least 87 times. So I had plenty of time to bond with the music. The songs were actually well-timed for me, but the speaking in between...left a lot to be desired. Musicals are supposed to be dramatic as fuck and you cannot properly be dramatic while rushing a story.
3 Who in the hell designed Mrs. Teapot and Chip??
Well, I am not pleased to meet you, you creepy little fuck. The first thing I thought when I saw them was, "Wow, they're kind of fucking creepy." If I were more faint of heart, I could have weird dreams about their flat faces. Even the original versions of them had dimensions to their facial features. I understand that they are probably designed to look like the finest porcelain, but... I don't give a fuck.
4 The Forgetting Spell
Now we've entered the confusing world of Once Upon a Time where forgetting spells are cast over entire towns, and while nobody in the castle or in the village seems to age, except Belle and her father. Or...maybe everyone in the village does age and the folks under the curse of the castle do not? This was brought into my mind when Belle finally admitted she loved the Beast and broke the curse and folks got their memories back and went to find their loved ones at the castle.
Now, it is possible that everyone in the village was also frozen in time and that Belle and her father were not affected by that spell because it is possible that they hadn't left Paris yet. But if that is the case, I refuse to believe that two brilliant people would not notice that no one else was aging given that they left Paris about 16 years before Belle volunteers to take her father's place as Beast's eternal prisoner.
Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong in the comments, but...shit is suspect.
5 Will Lefou find love with the boy in the dress?
Can we get some front, side, and backstory on him? Because he was fine as hell and I would definitely like to see more of him. And only the lord truly knows how much I love to see a man who can dance. Did you see how he waltzed?
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