A list of ways you can avoid being an asshole and ruining someone’s Halloween experience. If we all put in an individual effort to respect other people and treat them with kindness, then we all can have a successful all Hallow’s Eve.
Of course….if any of these things are far too difficult for you, then, that tells the world all they really need to know about who you are as a person.
If you haven’t yet been scared off, thinking that you’re about to be condemned to the fate of having low morals, then read on to see how you can help make sure everyone has a safe and happy Halloween this year.
1 Do not wear Native American headdresses if you are not Native American.
It's offensive. Earning the right to wear a headdress is a sacred thing among Native American culture, and, obviously, if you are not Native, there is no way you could've earned the right to wear a headdress, so don't fucking do it.
2 Do not wear black face. Yellow face. Red face. None of that.
You can be whatever you want to be....except a person of a different race. You, too can get a bucket of water thrown at you or maybe some unknown hero will keep a water hose with a heavy pressure and a long, shooting range at the ready for assholes who try it.
3 Don't shame any girl's...or woman's costume this Halloween.
As a woman, a black woman, this is a particular point of interest for me. In a world where women are constantly under the microscope for not only their behavior and personalities, but also for the way they dress everyday of the year, Halloween doesn't let up on that criticism.
Although an overwhelming majority of Halloween costumes are marketed as being a "sexy" version of many of the professionals we see on a regular basis, nurses and teachers being the first to come to mind, it somehow seems to be inappropiate for women to actually wear these costumes that have been so heavily marketed towards them.
Now, even when some women have the confidence to wear such costumes anyway, there has been made a very clear distinction in how people respond to black women wearing the same costumes that non-blacks have been praised for wearing.
No, she doesn't have too much ass to wear that. We know she doesn't look "just like the character", but neither do the other non-black women wearing the same costume. If this sounds like you, you're just too much of a cunt to enjoy other people expressing themselves. This also makes you not only a misogynist, but also a racist, and no one needs that negative energy on Halloween or on any other day of the year. So fuck off.
4 Do not ask people their gender.
We've gotten all the way to number 4, so I'm hoping that SURELY you have received the message of "mind your own fucking business" by now. I will continue laying out the yellow, brick road to being a better person anyway.
From my observations, there is a general consensus among trans and gender fluid people that it is not only annoying, but incredibly rude and invasive to be questioned about their gender. What you can do instead, is:
A. Mind your own business, give them some candy, and continue shutting up.
B. Offer up your own pronouns to help make others comfortable.
Neither of these repsonses mean that your obnoxious curiosity will be satisfied, but this isn't about you. This is about not making other people feel uncomfortable or unsafe, and sometimes that requires that you make an extra effort to not be an asshole to people who might appear to be different from you.
5 Let those adults have the candy.
Don't be stingy. The children they might be accompanying are hard work. Babysitting ain't easy. I know because I have had that unfortunate job for longer than I care to remember.
You know how hard it is being an adult. A bit of candy and a grand smile might be the best part of another person's day. So... let that candy
6 Refuse to give candy to people in black face.
"Oh no, this sounds so hard. I just love supporting racists!"
If the above is your response to this rule, congratulations, you're an asshole. The best way to discourage racist behavior, (black face IS racism, in case you were wondering), is to shame and treat racists like trash. Racists don't deserve candy. I'm sure their racism is all the sweetness they need in their horrid lives.
Being sensitive and exhibiting kindness towards others does not extend to supporting racism.
7 Watch out for small children who appear to be lost.
It happens. Even I lost my little sister once or twice during Halloween trick or treating. Trick or treating, especially in highly populated areas, can be a confusing whirl of colors, costumes, and shadows, but if everyone is looking out for everyone, then we can all have a safe night testing our kidneys' ability to prevent us from overdosing on sugar.
This is not an invite for anyone to turn into a Criminal Minds-level creeper. Other people will be watching you. God will be watching. Satan will send his minions to protect the innocent. Karma will be unkind. You know what happens to people in Criminal Minds when they get caught, and they always get caught. If not by police, then by karma. And I doubt that you want to spend your next life as a roach or forever burning in the deepest pits of hell.
8 Keep your fucking mask on.
Covid 19 definitely isn't over. Keep your goddamn germs to yourself. Continue practicing social distancing. Stay to your own group.